Aerion’s Rambling

The things you dread, turn out really well for you. The things that hurt you and make you angry can set you free. Sometimes letting go is alot easier than you ever imagined. And maybe, just maybe, the thing that you thought was so impossible could work out.

I found out my ex was a complete jackass. I was so mad and hurt, but it also made me realize how much better I deserve. And it also let me have a crush on one of his friends guilt free. If I would have continued to think my ex was a great guy ect. I would have never considered pursuing my crush, but now that he’s shown his true colors and, I don’t feel guilty about a damn thing. I went to the amusement park with his friend on Thursday and we had a blast, we just went as friends, but had a really good time, and it made me realize even more so how crappy of a bf my ex was. Last time I went to the amusement park with him all he did was bitch the entire time.

I would love to just take a break from life… I guess thats not how it works though is it? I got to school full time, have full time worth of home work, have to ride/train and still I’m expected to be able to find a decent job that will work around my schedule. It is ridiculus. I’m tired not physically, but mentally I have to tell myself to get up in the morning 10 times before I’ll do it and thats after sleeping for like 9 hours.. somethinghas got to change. Maybe having a job again once I find one will help give me a bit of drive, I’ve been wanting to start jogging again, maybe I’ll give that a shot, I just know I have to try something..

So I want to know How I make this thing pretty, I get the themes but, how do I make it personalized and pretty? where is the place to do that?

I am about half way through my sophmore year of college and have no more idea now what i want to do, than the day I set foot on the campus. I wish I had taken a year or two off to figure it out before wasting thousands of dollars. I’m out of gen eds, now anything I take MATTERS toward my major, my future, my career. And it’s about to give me a nervous break down. I wish I lived back in the day when you worked at a job then went to achool to do that, or better yet, when women didn’t work. I can be a housewife….. I have no problems with that.

Today was the end of a 3 1/2 year relationship for me. It sucked, majorly. We both knew it was coming but that didn’t make it any easier. I love him he’s my best friend, but he can’t come back home, he was in a bad place here and he was losing himself to it. It’s unrealistic for me to move to canada with him, so he would never ask, but if he had I would have gone. It sucks, alot. Most relationships end with fights, and anger. I almost think that would have been easier than one ending like this, it would be easier to be angry with him than to know it’s over because he want to make something of himself, and doesn’t want to hurt me by making me wait around for him. I wish he could have just been a dick or something. Oh well I need to go cry more now……

So I like to write and whine to get things off my shoulders, so why not do it some where other people can find amusement in it right?